All of this could be your’s if the Price is Right!
If you know anything about me, you know that I have more than a few obsessions. I watch wrestling like it’s my job, I swear by the restorative properties of Whiskey, and treat Peanut Butter as if it’s the only food in the world worth a damn. I also have remained faithfully obsessed with a band called The Mountain Goats for over ten years now. What you may not know about me is that for the first 30 years of my life on this Earth, I was also heavily obsessed with The Price is Right. Blame my grandmother for that one, but every since I was knee-high, to a grasshopper’s ass, I sat with my grandmother during summer vacation, and religiously worshiped at the altar of Bob Barker. After she passed away it became even more of an obsession even, I even forced others to join my religion while incarcerated on the side of a mountain in Ohio for eight months. I converted scores of inmates to both my cult of Bob and the WWE (then the WWF). As a kid I would joke with my grandmother about what I would do if I were ever on The Price is Right. I would talk about how bidding $1 was the secret key. Well on Thursday June 23rd 2011, eleven years since my grandmother was here on this planet with me, I get my chance. I have been warned that I will have to line up at 2:30 A.M. to insure a spot, but I plan on getting there even earlier. I will spend the 24 hours prior boning up on my price knowledge for lawn mowers and campers. I will study what I need to do to get selected to come on down. This will be a mission for Nanny and all those hours we spent together. Although Bob Barker will not be present, I know that my Nanny’s spirit will be with me. And as if that wasn’t a holy experience enough for one day, later that night I will see my beloved Mountain Goats live and in person, so ever close to the former home town of the maestro himself John Darnielle! I feel like I may burst out of my skin and turn into a being of pure light before Thursday. I pray I can contain myself.
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