So I was up until almost 5 trying to create this last night! I couldn’t believe that no one had done it yet! I quickly realized why after spending and hour and a half trying to find the SNL clip without all the Hulu shit around it. You can’t steal Hulu vids because of the commercial they put in front, when I try to download it all I get its the stupid commercial. Anyway I finally found it on some kids Myspace page, then it was a matter of isolating the part where she says “Wizard of Ass”, which was the easiest part. Next was turning it into a GIF, and I didn’t have a program that would convert WMV into GIF so I had to download one. Which is why it has that stupid reel thing in the corner, the program I used was a demo and to remove that stupid reel I would have to spend $40 that I don’t have right now. So after a couple of tries I came up with one that I liked I had to pan across the image so you could get a good shot of the beloved Betty, then my girl Friday had to point out that it didn’t seem funny with out the sound so she suggested I to go back and put words on it. I think it turned out okay despite that stupid reel thing in the corner. Now it’s up to you the internet to spread the word and make sure everyone sees this. If you can make a better one go right ahead but until you do spread this mother fucker!
Recently while on a pilgrimage to see one of the greatest bands in the universe; I had the privilege of driving through (what I was unaware of at the time) Americas unofficial 51st state. “51st state?” you ask! Yes there is a hidden state between Northern California and Southern Oregon called Jefferson. “Why hadn’t I heard about this state?” I’m sure you’re asking yourself. I asked the same question. Why hadn’t you heard of it! It was only formed in 1941! Yes it started the same year Pearl Harbor was bombed and America entered WWII (for the history buffs). I never heard of it until I drove past a barn with Jeffersonstate.com painted on the roof. So I looked it up and it turns out these guys were pretty serious-back in 1941! They held up cars with shot guns to pass out there “Proclamation of Independence”, basically they were a bunch of farmers that wanted the roads in their area improved, but when the war started they dropped their guns and fell in line, then when Obama got elected they got pissed off again and wanted to be they’re on state. They have a blog that claims to reach millions yet has only three entries (the last of which was in February). They also have a YouTube site with informative videos explaining how their plight is based more on California’s rising debt and Oregon’s unemployment, but if you visit their blog it seems to be more about Obama not having a birth certificate than any particular grievance. I’m all for political independence, I am first and foremost a fucking anarchist, but this whole “Tea Party/Libertarian” resurgence thing that’s going on just seems so racially motivated that it’s sickening. Perhaps it’s because my skin is brown that I can’t come to grips with the fact that now everyone is a gun toting conspiracy believer. I was into a lot of these theories of “one world government” when I was in high school, I was up on all the militia movement and radical theories before they were cool, but now it seems that the people that are all about fighting the government only want to fight it because someone is in power that doesn’t look like them. I mean seriously how come none of these puritans stood up to fight when George Bush led us into a false war, or any of the other countless bullshit crap that the previous administration was pulling? Where was the anger and revolution for the last ten years? Now all of a sudden people want to pick up arms and revolt? It just seems a little bogus to me. Would these same people be ready to succeed from the union if John McCain and Sarah Palin were elected? The State of Jefferson has its roots in a different time though so they can claim a pre-Tea Baggers right to revolt. They were mad at the federal government for not doing enough to help them extract the natural wonders from the land Yay! But, the name of their state was determined from a newspaper contest, in which the winner was awarded a whopping $2, which I’m sure was big money back then.
We are living in the age of stupid! You’re stupid, I’m stupid, and everyone around us is stupid! Humans have always been dumb, but now we’ve taken it to a whole other level. I’m not just talking about the idiots who blindly follow Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh (although they make the rest of us look smart by comparison). We are all morons. We finally elect an intelligent, articulate president and we can’t get anything done still because he is beholden to dumb-asses who refuse to progress. We are making great strides in technology and what do we do, we use it to entertain ourselves with useless phones. What diseases have we cured? What problems have we solved? There are still people hungry and homeless, while we bicker over meaningless pieces of paper and foolish market that we created. Our lives effected because a blip on a screen reads one number lower than it did a day before, effected by typos from fat, lazy fingers. All the while most of us walk around concerned with nothing more than the day to day problems that will be forgotten in a year, fretting over personal drama and a fruitless pursuit of material happiness. The human race is so self-centered and pre occupied with the individual and the whole is suffering. We ignore the man on the street begging for change while we hurry home to gorge ourselves in tiny apartments in front of mindless television. We consider ourselves so smart but really what have we accomplished. This is 2010-the fucking future-and what do we have to show for it; Electric cars, pills to make our dicks bigger? We can’t solve a simple problem lie an oil well exploding. I mean did no one consider the possibility of this? Was there no contingency plan? I mean seriously? Why do we even need so much oil anyway? We have the means to create new sources of energy. Yet we are still beholden to the old ways because those who profit from it are too stubborn to switch horses’ midstream and do something different. And they control the politicians who make the rules for them not to follow. The rest of us little people now must suffer forever for this catastrophe. It is more the fault of us than the spineless officials we supposedly elect. How do we elect officials that do nothing because they can’t come to an agreement with a minority party? When are we going to take control of this mess and create a system which benefits all of us and not just those with the money to pull the strings? Money isn’t even real! The U.S. dollar only has the value that we place on it. Perhaps it is time we do away with it. What do we need with it? Soon enough it will be replaced completely with plastic cards and our lives will be bought and sold on credit. And that will be even dumber than what we’re doing now. Stupid is as stupid does Forest. The so called smartest people are in fact the dumbest. Have you ever met any people, I’ve met quite a few, and they’re all idiots. Those that excel in one specialty or another are always lacking in other areas. Someone who is a master of mathematics or physics is often inept in social customs or popular culture. Those that excel in knowing the latest trends and celebrity gossip are dumbfounded by science or more intellectual pursuits. Even a jack-of-all-trades is a master of none. True intelligence is mocked and chided into dumbing itself down for the approval of the masses which shows less intelligence than those it seeks to appease. I am infuriated at the lack of progress being made by the human race. Look at the Japanese, who are advancing leaps and bounds technologically and wonder why even they cannot seem to influence the rest of the world. It’s because in their land they are stifled by useless out dated traditions and customs. When will we burn out the past and forge a brighter future? When will we cease to rehash the old and give birth to something new? The cycles of life continue to repeat because we lack the courage and conviction to move forward.
Have you ever thought about a woman having sex with an octopus? The Japanese have, in fact they have been thinking about it for almost two hundred years or more. They have painted it, carved it in wood, made elaborate cartoon porn about it. It is known as Cephalerotica, and it is different to say the least. I saw it a while back it in a painting called The Dream of the Fisherman’s Wife on the AMC hit series Mad Men. It was in the character Coopers office. It immediately conjured up some of the sick hentai (pornographic anime and manga) I used watch back in Jr. High, movies like Legends of the Overfiend. Part 3 of began with a cheerleader being raped by a tentacle monster that had been hiding inside said cheerleader’s school headmistress. What makes the Japanese so turned as a culture so turned on by women being sexual molested by sea creatures? Is just a creative extension of popular themes in “straight” porn like dominance and restraint? I was intrigued enough by the Fisherman’s Wife picture to find out more about it, here’s what I learned
The Dream of the Fisherman’s Wife (蛸と海女, Tako to ama?, Octopus(es) and Shelldiver) is an erotic woodcut of the ukiyo-e genre made around 1820 by the Japanese artist Hokusai. Perhaps the first instance of tentacle erotica, it depicts a woman entwined sexually with a pair of octopuses, the smaller of which wraps one of its tentacles around the woman’s nipple and kisses her, while the larger one performs cunnilingus (or is mating with her the only way it could). Hokusai created the Dream of the Fisherman’s Wife during the Edo period, when Shinto was making resurgence; this influenced the piece’s animism and playful attitude towards sexuality. It is a celebrated example of shunga and has been reworked by a number of artists. Similar themes of human females having sexual intercourse with sea life have been displayed since the 17th century in Japanese netsuke, small carved sculptures only a few inches in height and often extremely elaborate.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Dream_of_the_Fisherman%27s_Wife
Tentacle creatures have appeared in Japanese erotica well before they ever became popular in modern anime porn. One of the earliest is the illustration by Katsushika Hokusai which originally appeared in the 1814 novel Kinoe No Komatsu. It is renkowned as being the perfect example of shunga (Japanese erotic art) and has been reworked by a number of artists. Including Australian artist David Laity who reworked the design into a painting of the same name, Masami Teraoka brought the image up to date with his 2001 work “Sarah and Octopus/Seventh Heaven”, part of his Waves and Plagues collection. Others still have mimicked it in animation, and even sculpture.
A paper by Danielle Talerico showed that although western audiences have often interpreted Hokusai’s famous design as rape, Japanese audiences of the Edo period would have associated it with the beautiful legend of the female abalone diver Tamatori. In the story, Tamatori steals a rare jewel from the Dragon King, however, during her way out, the Dragon King and his sea-life minions (including octopods) pursue her. The dialogue within the illustration itself, suggest the diver and two octopods found mutual enjoyment however.
While the use of sexualized tentacles has also appeared in American and European films, it has not been quite not as often. While the historical context of tentacle erotica as a Japanese phenomenon can’t be denied, it is Toshio Maeda’s manga Demon Beast Invasion created what might be called the modern paradigm of tentacle porn, in which the elements of sexual assault are emphasized. Maeda explained that he invented the practice to get around strict Japanese censorship regulations, which prohibit the depiction of the penis but apparently do not prohibit showing sexual penetration by a tentacle or similar (often robotic) appendage. Tentacle sex has now become a huge part of Japanese porn it’s an entire sub-genre unto itself with entire websites dedicated to it. There are even live action porn produced in China and Korea that cater to Cephaphilacs in hundreds of ways, from simulated tentacles, to girls inserting actual sea creatures into their bodies. And while it may appear to seep from the deepest dankest pits of human imagination…It’s kinda cool
Now playing: The Mountain Goats – Sometimes I Still Feel The Bruise
When one thinks of the true Gods of Armageddon, the earthly men and women who have ascended to the throne room, and await the end of days to return to earth and liberate us. One cannot help but immediately think of the one eyed black, Jewish, Satanic Warlock, who hung around such notably evil men as Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin. I speak of course of Sammy Davis Jr. He is one of the originators of Disaster culture and an Icon to the GoatFucker staff. The man’s legendary exploits with numerous white women, and even being kidnapped for his taste. He lost his left eye and almost died in a in an automobile accident on November 19, 1954 in San Bernardino. The accident marked a turning point in his career, taking him from entertainer to a national celebrity and icon. He converted to Judaism from his hospital bed, after a conversation with his friend and fellow entertainer Eddie Cantor. Even after that he had several death threats, and supposedly a contract put out on his life for dating white women. He would much later say of his decision to convert; “I’ve never let my blackness interfere with my religion. I’ve never allowed my religion to interfere with my blackness. I think they’re too separate things. They intertwine, and they should be supportive of each other, but many people, up until 10 or 15 years ago (maybe in the last 8 years) weren’t aware that 85 per cent of the Israelis are colored. They aren’t white and blue-eyed. They are dark skinned (pointing to his own arm).”
– Ebony Magazines Interview with Sammy Davis Jr.,
“Sammy Davis Jr. 1985″
At the peak of his career he was the number one entertainer in the world. In the 1970’s, he raked in $2 million per year which was virtually unheard of at the time. Much of this admiration came to a screeching halt when he married white actress May Britt in 1960. Blacks and whites were appalled and Davis received even more death threats. May Britt’s career was blackballed and she never worked in Hollywood again after giving birth to Sammy’s’ only biological child (a daughter). They would divorce in 1968 after Davis admitted to having an affair. He continued on with a series of interracial romances, before getting serious with blonde actress Kim Novak and a “contract” was purportedly put out on his life and he was threatened, with the loss of his other eye if he continued seeing her. Before the alleged contract was executed, allegedly Frank Sinatra intervened and saved the day but Davis still feared for his life and married a (black) showgirl, Loray White. In his autobiography, he stated that he got drunk and married Loray but allegedly he married Loray out of desperation. In any event the marriage was short lived and lasted only a few months before it was annulled. Loray supposedly received $10,000 and a Cadillac. 
Throughout the 1960s he had been a very vocal supporter of the Black Power movement and other left-wing causes. But in the early 1970s he lost some support from liberals and members of the Black community when he embraced Richard Nixon and performed in Vietnam. Despite the fact that Davis voted as a Democrat again after the Nixon administration, Nixon invited Davis to sleep in the White House in 1973, which is believed to be the first time an African-American was invited to do so. Though some could argue that Sammy’s public hug could have been more of a curse placed on Nixon, judging from what became of his fate. Sammy’s transcendent “Yes, I Can” is a pledge that actually meant something to him. “I Can” represented his refusal to recognize barriers, be they racist Jim Crow policies against miscegenation, blindly following social norms, or obeying sodomy laws. He was a man who took everything to the extreme. As Sammy explained in his 1989 memoir Why Me; “I wanted to have every human experience.” There’s no better example of this than Sammy’s desire to have every experience than his foray into Satanism. Despite being born Christian and converting to Judaism, according to reports Sammy started his personal relationship with The Church of Satan during 1968 after a visit to a nightclub in which he partially owned. He was invited to a party by a group of young actors who sported red fingernails to signifying their allegiance to the Church. When Sammy arrived at the party, all attendees were wearing either hoods or masks. The centerpiece was a naked girl, on an alter, chained, and spread-eagle, though Sammy felt confident that human sacrifice was not about to happen that evening. “That chick was happy and wasn’t really going to get anything sharper than a dildo stuck in her.”, he later wrote. He continued to attend these satanic orgies until he eventually joined the Church, although the chronology of his association presented in Why Me deviates from the one offered by Michael Aquino in his 1983 history of the Church. Though eyewitness accounts place him near the very top of the satanic ladder; “dressed as a priest and wearing an inverted crucifix, [Sammy Davis Jr.] bent Elvis Presley across the kitchen table and buggered him within an inch of his life!” 
This part of his life is often glossed over, there is no mention on his Wikipedia page of any of his Satanic indugences. Including his Satanic Sitcom pilot “Poor Devil”. Poor Devil was a pilot for a TV series that was never picked up obviously. It starred Sammy Davis Jr. as Sammy(creative) the Poor Devil and Christopher Lee(from Hammer Films Dracula series-Duh!), as Lucifer. Sammy plays a bumbling assistant to Satan who hasn’t gotten a soul for him for 1400 years. Lucifer gives him one last chance when Sammy sets his sights on a a disgruntled accountant, played by (The Odd Couples) Jack Klugman. In 1973, in appreciation for Davis’ the failed pilot, the Church Of Satan made Sammy Davis Jr. an honorary Second Degree Warlock. Michael Aquino and Karla LaVey presented him with the award on stage during one of his performances at the Circle Star Theater in San Carlos. By that time he had developed liver and kidney trouble and spent some months in the hospital early in 1974 and he decided to move on. He wrote in his autobiography that “one morning after a coven that wasn’t all fun and games… I got some nail polish remover and I took off the red fingernail.” Sammy placed his experience in the context of his “Yes, I Can” philosophy. “It was a short lived interest, but I still have many friends in the Church of Satan… I say this to only show that however bizarre the subject I don’t pass judgment until I have found out everything I can about it. People who can put up an interesting case will often find that I’m a willing convert.” Davis’s long career in show business was remarkable he managed to break color barriers in an era of segregation. The last fifteen years of Davis’s life he appeared in the Broadway musical, Stop the World—I want to get off. He served as a fill-in host for the “Tonight Show,” and returned to the Las Vegas stage. His constant illnesses and even hip surgery failed to stop Davis from performing. He even starred in musical revue which played to sold-out crowds in the United States and Europe just a year before Davis’s death with his friends Liza Minnelli and Frank Sinatra. Davis died in Beverly Hills, California on May 16, 1990, of complications from throat cancer. When doctors told him that he could be saved by surgery, he replied he would rather keep his voice than have a part of his throat removed; the result of that decision seemed to have cost him his life.
The true measure of a God of Armageddon is whether or not he or she did what the fuck they wanted to do during their life. And Sammy Davis Jr. for certain lived life on his own terms despite the opinions of others and for that we will listen to the rapid fire tapping of his feet when the final bell is rung. We will look to the sky and see a one-eyed, Jewish/Second Degree Satanic Warlock/ Goatfucker descending upon us!