Fucking everything, one goat at a time!

Posts tagged “Mayan

K’atun 4, The End of the 13th B’ak’tun, and Same as it ever was!


Time_Zone_MapSo as I sit writing this we are two hours away from the end of the b’ak’tun or whatever. People are still shell shocked over the psychotic eruption of a desperate kid last Friday that brought a tiny apocalypse to a small town. For the people of Newton the end of the world has already happened. These micro-pocalypses are increasing, building and rolling toward something that could possibly be all encompassing. This of course would be the fear of Doomsayers and Doomsday-Preppers. There are those who fear the fury of the sun, magnetic pole shifts, great disaster, or asteroids. Like a hundred Chicken Little’s running around screaming that the sky is falling. Without a doubt one day the sky will fall. But no amount of preparation is going to save you when it does. Modern humans have confused real life with entertainment. They believe that there will be a time for them to become the heroes, the action star. Narrowly escaping near death and saving the girl. They believe they can just preform a perfect barrel roll and escape the explosion unscathed. There are also those who believe they’re intelligence and their invented explanations will save them. They will understand the beast into submission. This too is a fallacy.

There are those who consider ourselves to be End-Time Enthusiast, who spend our free time pouring over apocalyptic cultures, reading and studying ancient prophecy’s and tales of the end of the world. Yet as we sit here life continues. Life does not stop no matter the population or species that inhabits any given world in any given fashion. close to 50,000 species a year disappear from the earth yet life continues on. Most don’t even know this and half that do, don’t even care. It’s nothing new. Even if the Earth stopped spinning and shattered into a million pieces, life would still go on  existing throughout the universe both known and unknown. There is some debate about what our universe consist of. The scientist see only the molecules while the religiously devote see only the spirit. One the seen one the unseen. The two are not exclusive despite what their adherents say. The two forces have been referred to by many names; Order Chaos, Love and Hate, Life and Death, but the most simplest name of the diametrically opposed forces which constitute the nature of the universe may be Is and Is not. December 21st 2012 does not hold the end to that, for there is no end.

The current enthusiasm for this particular End-Time, comes from the perfect storm of desire and marketing. There are two people excited for midnight; the people who are tired of the world as it is, and those making money off them. There is a third and forth type of person but they are not as excited. They’re the Naysayers who exist on the outside as judge and jury to both parties, and there is the indifferent who are oblivious to anyone involved. The indifferent are the smallest minority. This particular prophecy has pervaded popular culture thanks to fact that we’re all strung together with invisible wires. We sit in hives silently looking out at the world through screens our fingers clacking mechanically in-between sips on our Meso-American coffee beans. Half us Hoping the Mayans are right the other half hoping to exploit that hope. Funny thing is we are all just fools. No one is certain that these calendars have even been read correctly. We have limited knowledge of what they had in mind and what they meant. Spanish priest saw to that. This prophecy is gleaned from but one of the four remaining codices. Archeologist are not even in unanimous agreement about what they mean.

OuroborosThis is just one thing though. The desire remains, even without it for those that are truly over it. The pressure from such a bloated consumerist society. A society driven in many different directions by a million screaming voices, breeds the bloody chaos we witness when we tune into what the monster is feeding us. The Ouroboros is complete, thank you Ernst Förstemann! The most important thing they got right is that time is circular, we are moving in a loop. If you find anything new under the sun I trust you to keep it to yourself, less it become sullied instantly. If you listen to those trying to make money of this current apocalypse, then the end of the world immediately means death and destruction. Now why those things are always present they do not constitute the end of the world. Even at the most loosest interpretations of Mayan prophecy the end of the long count calendar simply means start over. The supposed visions of the future predicted in the 4th K’atun are even understated. Claiming we will live in age of enlightenment and global social change. We will enter a dark age that will be lifted after a period. There are those that feel this meant we are going to be destroyed as previous civilizations have been destroyed. Still that does not end all life.

Let’s get this Apocalypse Started!

You now have two weeks to put out your album, record your masterpiece, write the Great American Novel, finish that short story, publish your web comic or what ever it is you want to do before it’s all said and done. If you have a girl (or guy) you want to bone, now is the time! Anything you want to say to your boss, parents, or school teachers you better say it in the next two weeks. Regardless of whether or not you believe in the Mayan Calendar prophecy or not, the end is nigh. Shit is about to hit the fan, and we can make this so, if we all just work together and try. The time has come, this world has outlived it’s usefulness. Seriously what has this planet ever done for you other than hold you down with it’s gravity? What has this world ever brought you but grief? Do you really want to stick around for a Highlander remake starring Ryan Reynolds? Do you really want to continue to live in a world with Ryan Reynolds? This is it the big one, and it doesn’t appear as if a comet is going to strike the Earth or the sun is going to explode or at least their not telling us if it is), so it’s up to us. It’s up to you and me, the common man, to make this apocalypse a reality. They don’t want to give us the end times we’ve been waiting on so we have to go out and burn down everything on our own. Statistically speaking someone reading this has to be an arsonist so we’re looking at you to get the ball rolling. An please don’t burn something stupid like an empty barn or Detroit. Try and think like a Norwegian Black Metal singer.


I know to many backwards thinking Americas this may already seem like the end-times; a black man reelected to the White house, many of the Tea Party’s craziest defeated, gay marriage and marijuana on the rise, but trust me these are not signs of the end. These are actual good things. Which is why we here at Goat-fuckers HQ are worried that doomsday has been averted. We welcome the destruction of this world and though we have no doubt that Jesus will not return and no rapture will ever take place it doesn’t mean we can’t work together to bring about Armageddon! I’d love to be wrong, I would love to see the seas boil and the rivers run red, fire in the sky sounds lovely as well. In the end it really doesn’t matter if you’re waiting on the Four Horseman, Cthulhu, or the Flying Spaghetti Monster to come and take away your pain, let’s just get this done. We’re going to need more than a few arsonist lighting things on fire though, we’re going to need mass riots in the street, violent uprisings (Third World countries can’t do it all by themselves). We need ever paranoid schizophrenic in the country that’s walking around free thanks to the policies of the one true Anti-Christ; dear old Ronald, to go out and cause as much commotion as humanly possible. We need protest, and mas hysteria. We need people on the inside sabotaging the markets, we need ship boat captains getting drunk and crashing oil rigs into the coast of Maine and California. We need little old ladies wielding machetes at Shop’n’Save!


I don’t know if you’re aware, but the History Channel 2 has been running Apocalypse theme marathons for a week and a half now and they promise to keep going right up until the 21st so take a minute to get your crazy juices all hyped up on some of that then take it to the streets. We are sick of waiting for good people to stand up and fight back against the injustice that goes on all around us. We are tired of watching the culture and humanity of this world erode into homogenous commercialism. Everything is just another product to be bought and sold. We are sick and tired of waiting and waiting for this world to end. Nothing good is really happening (except for the weed and queer equality stuff we mentioned earlier). I mean sure GTA V comes out next spring, but we all have to make sacrifices for the greater good. Seriously do you want the planet to be around for this;

I mean seriously is he just doing the Pirates of Caribbean guy with a bird on his head?


I for one would like to know that we all went out before such atrocities accord, that we were spared the horrors of any more Johnny Depp movies. But I also warned against his evil back when 21 Jump St. was still on the air. For as long as we have left the staff here at  Goat-Fuckers will be churning out the hype and hopefully inspiring you to get out there and make it happen. If we don’t get this apocalypse in gear we may have to wait for 2014 which is when Terrance McKenna figured it out to be on the I-Ching. Though (whatever) God (you believe in) help us all, I’m not sure mankind can suffer for two more years with this kind of shit coming down the pike!