Fucking everything, one goat at a time!

Posts tagged “Hollywood

Calling in from the fifth wall

Calling in from the fifth wall.

The lord Zed figurine of plastic darkness, angler on the lake of sorrow, measured in half by what he owed. Called forth tonight from the Himalayas. There wasn’t much we could do, but try and process the ghost. I’m getting eaten alive right now. I can feel the hurt from the inside seeping out to my pour and I need a cleansing. I need to be free from this hurt and I’m not talking about dying. I’m sure there is a name for it in some language that I have forgotten through time. MY mind is not what it used to be so you must forgive me. I see the sun set in the east and the west but never see it rise. I keep thinking to myself; how long did Buddha sit under that tree for. It’s not a very good model. This day and age we expect speed even with our enlightenment. That’s not how it’s done the universe keeps reminding me. I’m sure I will forget as soon as the drugs the aliens gave me where off. They fill you with hallucinogens while they perform their experiments on you. It’s not like they need the data it’s just for fun. They get bored waiting for us to evolve. Unfortunately that’s not going to happen in my life time. Unless you count the genetic modifications we make to ourselves trying to hurry evolution itself.

There are those who would contend that self modification is a form of evolution but I don’t agree totally. It is and it isn’t. I mean on the most basic premise and understanding of evolutionary theory it is, but in actual proven evolution it’s debatable. Humans have evolved, but now it’s the quite time when man is not visibly transforming. It’s happening all around you and it’s not over. I know I shouldn’t care about what you’re doing right now but I do. I care a lot and it’s making me cry that you haven’t called me. My heart was broken before this song came on. Somewhere out there I know there is someone waiting for me, but truth is I probably already pissed them off already thinking about you too much. Movement is limited in the heart but the city is big and so is the stated and the country is even bigger. Distance cannot fill the void though. Travel cannot reclaim the time spent and the years lost. I’m too old to find myself and too young to lose myself again. I am aware of who and what I am the blood is there in the soil and it want wash away.

There is an access point between worlds where we can see everything. And when I say everything I mean everything (Past, present, future, what could have been, what would have been, and beyond). The universe opens up like a flower there and the dawn is always just beyond the horizon. Not very fun to live in a place where everything is there but just out of reach, and where heaven is not a place where nothing ever happens. This is a false heaven and one must seek the land where change is infinite and undying. Where the unbridled life of chaos and disorder are mere molecules of love and hate; distilled for the enjoyment of others. “Speaks so clearly”, it says. None such luck Jack, the tongue gets tied up in the head of one so alone. I once lay dormant thriving on the unexpected. The machine elves drilled holes in my head but not to let the demons out. They put them in and locked them up with me. Up on that mountain I went to find enlightenment. Tried getting a Zen then had to learn a new Zen (Figured out about ten-by now). My rocket ship fits a lot.

As thinking the other day about how we were all just soul carriers. Not just of our own souls, but those around us, and those who have come before us. I’m sure there are others who have and still do feel this way. We express it differently and I have yet to find a proper name for it. Times are changing and things always need rearranging. I want to walk off into the sunset like a good cowboy/samurai. Yet their meanings are lost in time and the truth about cowboys and samurai is not a glorious as there Hollywood descriptions.


Not so Sincerely,

Dr. Nihilist


Fucktard General

Apocalyptic Visions; MacGruber

So on Saturday me and my lady went out to see the MacGruber movie. Before I get started with my review of the film I want to just asked what the hell happened to the matinée? Once upon a time not that long ago if you went to a movie before 6 you got a special matinée price, it was just a few dollars off the regular movie price but in these tight times every little bit counts. That’s the whole point of going early! Instead we paid $21.50 for a movie we just kinda wanted to see. Now you have to show up before noon to see a matinée. Who wants to go the movies for breakfast? This is why people download everything-this is why I usually download everything. Not that I don’t go to the movies often we try to have a movie date at least once a week (sometimes we skip a week if nothing good is out). I also live in California so things are a little higher priced than they are in other places, but that’s the price you pay for living by the sea waiting for the earthquake to swallow you whole. Another thing I want to rail on is; what happened to hot popcorn? Since when is it okay to charge $12.50 for a bag of cold popcorn and $6.75 for a drink with no refill? Yet like a moron I payed it and settled in for a hour and half long SNL sketch.

The movie was funny enough. It was more or less what I expected, the theme song (a slow-mo version of the one they play on TV) even ended with “I can’t believe they made a movie out of-MACGRUBER! There was tons of dick jokes and pseudo-homosexuality. The kind we’ve grown accustomed to in this post-Will Ferrel/ Tim and Eric world of comedy. It still kinda blows my mind the ease in which these seemingly straight actors slip so easily into homosexuality, but I guess you can’t be a famous actor without sucking a little dick here and there. So that was thrown out through the entire film. There was surprisingly a great deal of action for a comedy. It seemed at times they secretly wanted to make a straight action flick! The cameos by some of the lesser known WWE superstars early on was perfect since I am an avid wrestling fan. The brief scene involving The Big Show was perhaps the best scene in the movie, far more believable than the hilarious sex scenes between Will Forte and Maya Rudolph or Kristen Wiig. Who’s role seemed somewhat diminished, I can’t wait for her to break out. She is by far the funniest member of the current SNL cast and well deserving of a starring role. The soundtrack was awesome!  The movie was right along side of Hot Tub Time Machine for cheesy eighties references and in some ways I think HTTM did a better job at it. I was never a huge MacGuyver fan as a kid though (couldn’t stand the mullet). It was less of a rape of my childhood than A-Team will be. The summer seems to be shaping up as scarce on good movies, there’s Johna Hex but I never read that comic, other than that I can’t really think of any movie I want to see. I will probably go to Get him to the Greek next week (maybe). Forte did a good job extended the joke and taking the character to some places he could never go on network television. Although there was a bit more celery in the ass than I thought there would be. All in all I was satisfied with the movie and happy to give it a few more dollars to compete with Shrek which crushed it in the box office as anticipated. I can’t wait until Hollywood starts coming up with original ideas and I’m still kinda pissed at the loss of the matinee.

Now playing: Willie Nelson – Graceland
via FoxyTunes