Fucking everything, one goat at a time!

Words of Wisdom

Goodbye Dr. Nihlist

Well, it’s been awhile since we’ve transmitted on this channel. We’ve been away having our insides removed and replaced with new technology care of the Machine Elves that Dr. Nihilist introduced us to. We’ve had some secret training that we’ll be sharing with you all in the future. For now we have one last letter from the Good Doktor before he vanished through a hole in our broom closet. He somehow managed to hide it in an egg at the grocery store around the corner from our offices. Hail to the Good Doktor we await your return with glee. So without further ado we give you the last transmission from the satellite heart.


Hello and goodbye,

Welcome my Midnight Ravers, it is I your humble Doktor, the Nihilistic Avenger. Here for another house call. Through these invisible lea lines of communication I come to you from beyond the grave. I’m not dead yet but someday someone will receive this message and I will be. I have been back and forth through time and space for so long it no longer has meaning to me. When I began this journey I simply sought knowledge. I wanted to understand the universe on as many levels as I could. This of course led to experiments in alchemical sciences. I discovered cures for diseases that could have healed mankind. I brought eternal life to myself through my work. Yet I wasn’t satisfied. I had to have more, make myself even smarter. I had no idea that there were something’s I just did not want to know. I wondered the world learning the mystic arts from various shaman and holy men. I sought the entirety of human wisdom. I practiced ancient rituals with tribes untouched by time, and immersed within them. I developed the ability to move between the 4th and 5th dimensions back into the 3rd and even down into the 2nd. What I found was a world removed from our own. And I was not alone. There were others out there who could also move within the realms of multiple dimensions. They called themselves Travelers.  They were fellow mystics (like myself), knowledge seekers who had risen to a place that was barely recognizable as human. They were not gods, but something else. They did not interfere in the lives of humans, they merely sought to reach the infinite dimensions and find the point of origin.

I have done many things in my time; some of them good, some of them not so. But that is a matter of perspective in many ways. My way may seem old fashioned at times, as ancient and outdated as a phone book these days. The roots of my knowledge come from centuries of practice, along with science from the future and alternate timelines that I have traveled through. I have reached across the stars and convened with alien races too distant for humans to ever meet. I have been operated on by machine elves that live inside of everything. They showed me the secrets of the universe-which were surprisingly simple explanations based on common physics and eternal truths. I have hallucinated on top of mountains with men who were too old to make the journey back down. I have smoked the frap of Gods and I found better living through chemicals and science, and open spiritual gates using the tools of man. I have stood on battlefields both ancient and modern and yielded no quarter. Through all my mastery of mind over matter and matter over mind I called upon the ancient names and stared into the fires of hell; the impact of which I feel each and every moment. Now it is time I retire once more to a place beyond the stars until I am summoned once more to the door of this world.

As I fall into nothing, I leave you with these parting word; everything is everything.  Simple wisdom espoused by natty dreads of the shores of the Rivers of Babylon and the beaches of Jamaica. There is no separation between the two of us, the same energy that powers the machine elves wonder machines is the same that pumps the  blood through each of our veins, and makes water flow downstream, each and every molecule is the same and as they twirl about each other we dance the same way, bouncing off one another  reflecting ourselves within ourselves. The singular energy created when the Universe was born is the same energy that exist all through us right now. There is nothing but us we are the same once and forever. So when you stub your toe on the coffee table before you curse and raise your voice in anger remember that you are the coffee table and you simple bumped into yourself again. Life is the journey of energy from nothingness back to nothingness. Friction is the spark between spaces that separate electrons and neurons. When you light a candle and attempt to raise the devil you are lighting a piece of you to raise yourself. True enlightenment is the erosion of all division once you move past the idea of separation only unification remains and that singularity is the only true power that allows everything and nothing to be possible. It is this dream of infinite stasis I leave you with children. I told you the secrets were simple.   

Calling in from the fifth wall

Calling in from the fifth wall.

The lord Zed figurine of plastic darkness, angler on the lake of sorrow, measured in half by what he owed. Called forth tonight from the Himalayas. There wasn’t much we could do, but try and process the ghost. I’m getting eaten alive right now. I can feel the hurt from the inside seeping out to my pour and I need a cleansing. I need to be free from this hurt and I’m not talking about dying. I’m sure there is a name for it in some language that I have forgotten through time. MY mind is not what it used to be so you must forgive me. I see the sun set in the east and the west but never see it rise. I keep thinking to myself; how long did Buddha sit under that tree for. It’s not a very good model. This day and age we expect speed even with our enlightenment. That’s not how it’s done the universe keeps reminding me. I’m sure I will forget as soon as the drugs the aliens gave me where off. They fill you with hallucinogens while they perform their experiments on you. It’s not like they need the data it’s just for fun. They get bored waiting for us to evolve. Unfortunately that’s not going to happen in my life time. Unless you count the genetic modifications we make to ourselves trying to hurry evolution itself.

There are those who would contend that self modification is a form of evolution but I don’t agree totally. It is and it isn’t. I mean on the most basic premise and understanding of evolutionary theory it is, but in actual proven evolution it’s debatable. Humans have evolved, but now it’s the quite time when man is not visibly transforming. It’s happening all around you and it’s not over. I know I shouldn’t care about what you’re doing right now but I do. I care a lot and it’s making me cry that you haven’t called me. My heart was broken before this song came on. Somewhere out there I know there is someone waiting for me, but truth is I probably already pissed them off already thinking about you too much. Movement is limited in the heart but the city is big and so is the stated and the country is even bigger. Distance cannot fill the void though. Travel cannot reclaim the time spent and the years lost. I’m too old to find myself and too young to lose myself again. I am aware of who and what I am the blood is there in the soil and it want wash away.

There is an access point between worlds where we can see everything. And when I say everything I mean everything (Past, present, future, what could have been, what would have been, and beyond). The universe opens up like a flower there and the dawn is always just beyond the horizon. Not very fun to live in a place where everything is there but just out of reach, and where heaven is not a place where nothing ever happens. This is a false heaven and one must seek the land where change is infinite and undying. Where the unbridled life of chaos and disorder are mere molecules of love and hate; distilled for the enjoyment of others. “Speaks so clearly”, it says. None such luck Jack, the tongue gets tied up in the head of one so alone. I once lay dormant thriving on the unexpected. The machine elves drilled holes in my head but not to let the demons out. They put them in and locked them up with me. Up on that mountain I went to find enlightenment. Tried getting a Zen then had to learn a new Zen (Figured out about ten-by now). My rocket ship fits a lot.

As thinking the other day about how we were all just soul carriers. Not just of our own souls, but those around us, and those who have come before us. I’m sure there are others who have and still do feel this way. We express it differently and I have yet to find a proper name for it. Times are changing and things always need rearranging. I want to walk off into the sunset like a good cowboy/samurai. Yet their meanings are lost in time and the truth about cowboys and samurai is not a glorious as there Hollywood descriptions.


Not so Sincerely,

Dr. Nihilist


Fucktard General

Dr. Nihilist; Master Man

Welcome home Midnight Ravers,

As far as secret fraternities of evil villains goes, this is a good one. The warm covenant of shame and degradation that sends marchers up the spines of us all. The walls have long since closed in. The strange scent of greasepaint, marijuana and grapes. I miss the days when this small one room apartment in East New Delhi smelled more like waffles, peanut butter and used panties. After spending all day researching the ancient tantric rituals of mid grade prostitutes I would spend my evenings buried in a hash haze pouring through Sanskrit poems foretelling the return from duality into singularity. I have learned a lot on the left-handed path, but my trips to India were always special. The Order sent me to school but I had to do the work myself. There was no real career awaiting me upon graduation. I still had to get up and go out and work just like everyone else. It didn’t matter, it didn’t bother me one bit. There’s actually nothing out there that you can’t find inside one self. The surgeries the machine elves gave me aboard their ship helped me survive that one winter in St. Louis, but that was about it. Any special esoteric knowledge gained from the process could have equally been gathered from dusty books in far away libraries that have since been entered into the digital tomes. After a few years in the wild I missed the comfort of my box. I returned to the tombs and cocooned myself awaiting rebirth in a springtime that never came. Yawning and stretching I spread my bent wings, unkempt and disheveled made my way back out into the spider web. Still mashing together my metaphors like a cockney whale. Stronger than untamed horses! Swifter than raging winds! Braver than mighty lions! Wiser than wisdom, and kinder than Galahad is Master Man. Blatantly misogynistic in his tone “Why settle for simply being a super-man, or a marvelous captain, when you can be the master.” Time passes differently in the snowy peaks of the Himalayas.  You forget all the shows that used to come on Thursday night. Time also passes differently on that couch in Arizona. You forget what that one old drunk monk said to me in Samye. We are living in a new Gilded Age.  You go out the way you came in; stringing random syllables together to form random words that make up random sentences.  Drop that!

Vanquish all Thy Enemies,

The Dr.

The King Mob and I

Okay, it’s been over a week now since I met one of my heroes and idols Grant Morrison at a book signing in L.A. and I think I’ve finally processed it enough to write about it. For those who don’t know who that is; Grant Morrison is in my opinion the most prolific and greatest writer of all time. You can argue about that if you want and trust me many people have tried. You can claim that Alan Moore’s Watchmen, or Frank Miller’s Dark Knight, makes them the greatest comic book writers, and if you only judged on sales then you’d still be wrong because Morrison’s Arkham Asylum has outsold both of those and remains in the New York Times top 100, 20 years after it was published. You can argue that Grant Morrison is more of a fringe writer and that his stories are too confusing and all over the board. To that I would just look at you like you were stupid and pat you on your empty head. My love of Grant Morrison does not stem from his work on DC’s 52, or Final Crisis, it does not come from reading his All-Star Superman (the greatest Superman story ever told), or his six years on Batman (the best six years the 70+ year old character has ever had), no; my love for Grant Morrison comes from the work he is arguably most known for-The Invisibles.

The Invisibles was a seven year creator owned (published under DC’s Vertigo imprint), odyssey that chronicles the journey of the next Buddha from boyhood to adulthood, with a band of anarchist/ontological terrorist fighting the ultimate good fight in the war between Order and Chaos. It is also a giant magickal sigil that affected everyone who truly read it and the man who wrote it. It affected me profoundly when I first picked up the seven page preview back in 1993. In 1994 when the book came out I lost my mother to Cancer, and began my long journey through drug abuse, punk rock culture, and in 1996 I formed an Invisible cell of my own. I had gotten into LSD pretty heavily, selling it and taking it almost daily. I was going to punk shows, and straight from there to raves throughout the Southeast. I gathered a wild eclectic band of young freaks and geeks with whom I turned onto the book. We read each issue over and over religiously. Devouring every word he wrote.

After a particularly long week of ingesting acid we decided it would be a great idea to construct a bomb. We were hapless armatures who thought we knew more than we did because we had read the Anarchist cook book. We weren’t completely out of it, we knew that what we constructed was not actually capable of exploding but it looked real, and we wanted to use it. After a short deliberation we picked a place-Hanes Mall-the largest mall between Maryland and Atlanta. We had resented the structure for various personal infractions, but more or less because we felt like it was drain on our area’s burgeoning youth culture. It was the thing that sucked the soul out of the city and when the mall closed at 10 the entire town shut down. It had to be taught a lesson. With haste we devised a plan and set our convincing fake inside a bathroom to await discovery. To quicken the pace I placed a call into the police and the local news station.

After some sloppiness on our part we were ratted out by one of our own, and captured four days later. My cell was comprised of kids each under 18 years old so they were given one year probation, while I was the ripe old age of 19 so I received a Federal Felony. I got 3 years probation plus six months on house arrest and another six in a half-way house. I continued to devour acid and drink like a fish, until I racked up four violations and a healthy rap sheet. After my forth probation violation I received an additional 8 months this time in a Federal Penitentiary on the side of a mountain in Ohio. There the series came winding down to its end and my journey as well transformed into so much more than I had ever dreamed. Once free I began this awesome track across the United States, first to Atlanta, then to New York, back to Atlanta.  From there I moved to St. Louis, Oakland, and finally ended up here in San Francisco, where the King Mob character from the book had an ex girlfriend that he called once when he thought he was dying.

Throughout the book I felt I was intertwined in the story, from early on the discoveries of Jack Frost within the 2D paged became my discoveries in real life. I fought the law, danced into the night with drag queens, and fell into a world of ancient magick and mysticism that has followed me every day since.  There are many people in my life that I credit with making me the man I have become; Ian McCaye from Minor Threat/Fugazi, Jeff Joyce my mentor when I was first entering the world of punk rock, my mother, my grandmother, and Grant Morrison. I had met all my heroes and idols, except for Grant up until July 28th. When I met him a cycle of supplication has ended. I felt after I shook his hand and told him my story that I was now free. Whatever happens from here on out is up to me. The Invisible’s has been over for 11 years now. It was time I stepped out of its shadow and began to cast one of my own.

I had no idea when I left SF for LA on Jun 1st that I was going to be able to actually see my hero in person. I had heard that he had a place in LA and split his time between there and Glasgow (Scotland). So I preformed one of the rituals I learned from the letters pages of The Invisibles. A process called sigil magick, were you write down a request from the universe and remove the consonants leaving only the vowels. You then take the vowels and arrange them into an almost unrecognizable pattern forming a singular symbol from the letters. You then fixate on the sigil and most masturbate upon it to give it some kind of sex magick power. I have done that, but I have found when I really want something I consume it. So instead of jerking off on the piece of paper I crumpled it up and ate it. When I arrived in Los Angeles I went to see an old friend of mine who runs a theatre in the back of a comic shop. After hugging and getting over the initial excitement seeing each other after some time, she informed me that Grant would be in the store promoting a book of his. The spell had worked; I lied on the floor briefly in disbelief.

I had nearly the entire two months I was there to wait. I idled the time away sightseeing and meeting people, having adventures and sitting quietly in my rented room wondering what it was I was going to say to the man who had shaped so much of my life. I debating on whether or not to give him some of my writings, or show him some of my sketches, I thought about if I should tell him about my cell, or just mention that I had a letter published in the back of The Invisibles back in 1996. I agonized over these decisions like one would agonize over whether or not to shoot someone. I weighed the pros and cons and tried my best to see ever possible outcome. In the end when the moment came I decided to simple tell him my story and thank him for what he had done. It was beyond words. I fretted and worried the entire evening. Through his interview by My Chemical Romances Gerard Way, thought he Q & A period and the entire time I milled around with the other store employees who had become my friends over the two months, awaiting my turn to speak with the Master.

It’s hard to describe the feeling of nervousness and elation that being around him brought to me. To me he is more than just a comic book creator, or writer. He is more than just a guy who wrote some kick ass book, this is a man who for all intents and purposes wrote my personal bible. He gave me visions that would rival and Christian hallucinations and set me on this course to living out my ultimate dreams. Now I know it doesn’t look like it, I am 33 and yet to be published. I have spent so many years wallowing in alcohol and self-doubt. I had taken myself up and down the highways of America in search of the awakening of my own Buddha-hood. I’ve found a lot of things on my journey, but I have yet to transform into a being of pure light and reach Parinirvana. But I can now say that I’ve met Grant Morrison.


Now playing: The Durutti Column – Otis
via FoxyTunes

Timewave Zero, Novelty Theory, Lybia, and Charlie Sheen

Since I was young I have been fascinated with apocalyptic theories, I have read and re-read every Robert Anton Wilson Book, I have delved deep into ancient and mystic text, and spent countless hours over analyzing the works of US philosopher Terrence McKenna. For those unfamiliar Timewave theory it was developed by McKenna, who studied the “Book of Changes” or the “I Ching” (one of the oldest Chinese books ). I Ching is a Chinese system formed from 64 hexagrams determined by two lines (commonly known in the West) as yin and yang.Despite being the go-to choice for tattoo flash at Daytona beach throughout the 1990s. McKenna theorizes that the I Ching may have initially been used as a calendar system. By studying the ancient writings, he conceived a numerological formula through which was assigned an I Ching symbol to each major event that took place in History. McKenna noticed that around the year 2012, the coincidence of events ( that can occur ) is a lot bigger. He hypothesized that around the winter solstice in 2012, civilization would be the subject to some major change. This coincided with theories already circulating on the Mayan calendar; particularly centering around the end of the 13th b’ak’tun of the Mayan calendar. Most specialists that studied the theory believe that McKenna misinterpreted the I Ching oracle, and that his study was incorrect.

Weather or not you buy McKenna’s right or not, it is obvious, and has been obvious for sometime that something is happening. The increased in cycles of “novelty” the rapid succession that world-wide events are unfolding, be it catastrophic weather patterns, global upheaval throughout the Middle east, Asia and Europe. Even in America there is civil unrest and discontent by various sides depending on perspective. There feels like a condensing of time. This may or may not be true. It could all be delusions of a few drug addled men and women. It could be the collective hallucination of a species that has sense it’s inception sought out confound itself with beliefs and dogma that (as far as we know) does not exist in other animals. My love of end-time, apocalyptic cults is rivaled only by my love of comic books and professional wrestling! I love our current age of disposable deities and fleeting celebrity worship. Faster than a season of American Idol can keep up with the information age gives us weekly idols, monthly Gods, daily heroes to worship. This in a sense brings up the question of how sacred can something be when it is only temporary. The answer of course is that everything is temporary and nothing is stable, therefore nothing is sacred and all things are in a since novelty.I believe it is necessary and healthy and that the ease in which the snake is now shedding its skin and being reborn only completes the cycle. Although the cycle is never truly complete and the war never ends.

Now playing: The Black Angels – Call to Arms
via FoxyTunes

Rape is still Rape in Rapeville!

When I started this blog it was supposed to be an outlet for my worst ideas, my sickest thoughts and disturbed fantasies. I wanted to scrape the underbelly for shit’s and giggles (Lulz). But, never in a million years of talking about fucking the shit out of Betty White or praising the devilish sainthood of Don King could I imagine the horrible shit that republicans manifest in real life. I can be pretty depraved I don’t think I’ve really scratched the surface here as I had hoped, but every time I turn on the news it seems like I keep getting trumped by reality!

A while back I worked at a Heavy Metal club in Atlanta, and the depraved, lovely, lunatics I worked with all had demented senses of humor like my own. We would often joke about rape. Not really about someones rape just using the word as an adjective where it didn’t belong. I would say things like “It’s Rape time in Rapeville” at the start of a shift. As a member of the security we each had to take turns doing pat downs, of patrons as they entered the club. This seemed even to us as something of a violation and it felt slightly rapey. Now before anyone get’s all up in arms, I know the difference between real rape and a simply security pat down, I have known many people who were raped, I once had a girlfriend raped and I know that it is no laughing matter. I have two younger sisters and have always stood up for women and used my fist for good on this front. I do not condone or support rape. My playing with the word was simply black humor (black as in dark not African-American which I happen to be), it was no different than using racist humor. I mean I joke about a lot of things that are wrong, like bestiality, murder, genocide, not that I am for any of them. Anyway I’m getting off track I just wanna say I know it was fucked up that’s what made it funny. But what the Republican dick-wads are trying to do is not funny, it is fucked up on another level. My jokes about being  “Rapey McRaperton Mayor of Rapetown Population You!” does not affect the laws that govern other people. My dark humor (to  y knowledge) has never threatened anyones life.  Yes, I have joked about eating children, but these fuckers are trying to redefine the word rape.

comes with the new Un-Happy Meal!


The Tea-Party backed bill, ostentatiously named the “No Taxpayer Funding for Abortion Act,” otherwise known as H.R. 3, was introduced by Rep. Chris Smith (R-NJ) in January which will make permanent the “Hyde Amendment,” which is a provision banning the use of taxpayer subsidies for abortions that now requires annual Congressional renewal. But the issue is that the Republicans had made some changes to the diction of the bill, specifically in “SEC. 309. TREATMENT OF ABORTIONS RELATED TO RAPE, INCEST, OR PRESERVING THE LIFE OF THE MOTHER,” which shows a change in wording from “rape” to “forcible rape” and a change from “incest” to “or, if a minor, an act of incest.” The act “could take statutory rape or rape during mental incapacitation or while intoxicated off the table.” Who are these d-bags  to say which rapes are “forcible” and which are not? And why is a victim of incest is only eligible for an abortion if they’re a minor? Those changes carry absolutely no legitimacy, and it’s a wonder how they ever got put into the document in the first place. Truly, no words could ever explain how floored I am. And I was once the Mayor of Rapeville!

Is this what the GOP considers forcible?

Thankfully do to public pressure and the mocking of the Daily Show, they backed down from the language change a few weeks later, but the bill is still fucked up and seeks to undo the progress made by women in gaining control of their own bodies. With the religious conviction of Taliban fighter these black-heart-ed bastards plan a ripple effect with the legislation as employers would be pushed to offer insurance plans that don’t cover the costs of abortion, because the bill would prevent them from taking tax deductions for offering any plan that does cover abortion! It’s bad enough they don’t want anyone making under $250,000 a year to even have health-care, or that they think a jobs plan is cutting millions of people out of jobs in order to “reduce the debt”, these jack-offs are giving evil a bad name in a big way. Swept into office in November to create Jobs the only thing they have done is attack jobs, Plan Parenthood, NPR, and wage war on the female reproductive system. They have fired shots at Unions and in State legislatures coast to coast sought to undermine any vaguely progressive achievements. I don’t know what to do, it seems there are enough people screaming loudly on the religious nut-job side of things that they will actually make this happen! They will push America back into the stone-age and pretty soon I will have to move to the back of the bus and start drinking from a separate water fountain again! This time though women will be right there alongside me! It’s unbelievable the lengths these pieces of shit are willing to go! In South Dakota, Nebraska and Iowa they have backed legislation that would make killing an abortion doctor “justifiable homicide”! Called the “Pregnant Woman’s Protection Act” it lock steps with a Georgia bill that could call for the death penalty if a woman even so much as miscarriages!  So get this straight ladies the republican’s will make sure you have that kid come hell or high water and when you do, you better be able to take care of it on your own without any assistance from the government, and no health care unless you get married to a Christian man who makes over $250,000 a year and owns his own small business, because we can’t afford you otherwise. Not that they’re offering an any sort of alternative if your child is born handicap do to the fact that it’s father was your father, or some midnight rapist!


Seriously what the fuck, I got to come up with a new shtick now because I could never be as evil as these fucks!

Now playing: Archers of Loaf – Chumming the Ocean
via FoxyTunes

Untitled Rant #502

Now playing: N.W.A. – Gangsta Gangsta
via FoxyTunes

There hasn’t been a new Goatfucker blog in sometime. My head has been done in, I am definitely watching too much cable news, but I can’t seem to get any sicker than whats going on out there in the real world. I could post pictures of dead bodies all day long, and talk about raping kittens and making sweet, sweet love to old ladies, but I don’t think I could be more deranged than Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin, or any of their Tea-bagging followers. The blatant racism, the Nazi like rallies, the xenophobic laws and all of the fear-mongering bullshit of FoxNews. I just can’t wrap my head around how things got so out of control so fast. I don’t know whats worse though, the fucked up shit coming out of the mouths of these absolute piece of shit human beings, or the fact that almost no one aside from Kieth Olberman, Chris Matthews, and Rachel Maddow trying to stand up against this nonsense. These jack-offs are taking millions of gullible people down the road to ruin, and now they are on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial calling for a holy war to reclaim America from the secret Muslim President. And what does the President say about this atrocity-he didn’t watch it!?! What the fuck is going on how are these bozos getting away with this. The liberals and progressives believe that the facts will be their undoing, and that these false profits will be exposed and their game unraveled. But if you look at the comments around the internet on blogs and Youtube videos, these people don’t care about the facts. They live in a fear based fantasy world where there is no truth but their own truth and every thing that is not White and Christian is wrong!

When I started GF I had in mind to bring the most rotten disgusting filthy shit to the forefront and churn out the nether regions of the internet and my mind. I started off giving the finger to hipsters with beards, not the strongest first salvo I admit. So I went straight into my sexual fantasies involving Betty White, then everyone caught on and she ended up hosting Saturday Night Live. I praised the Gods of Armageddon like Don King and Sammy Davis Jr., plus a guy who ate a plane. Yet I kept feeling I wasn’t doing enough, I wasn’t being sick enough. So I took some time off to try and pull together where this blog was going to go. During my vay-cay a shitstorm erupted over a Community Center in lower Manhattan and then like a funking dung beetle the far right rolled up that turd until all I could see when I turned on the tele was feces. Maybe its because I’m sequestered in liberal San Francisco, surrounded by gays, hippies, and illegal immigrants, I have no one to argue with in real life. I have tattoos and piercings and oh yeah, I’m a 6’1″ African-American, so no one really wants to argue with me anyway. I would love to be back in St. Louis right now, out in middle America, I don’t think I would simple argue with these “constitutional” racist. I have had the urge for the last few weeks to physically hurt Newt Gingrich. I have had dreams of doing absolutely horrid things to Glenn Beck. Not kill him mind you, just make it where he spends the rest of his life crying in a dark corner afraid to turn the lights on. I imagine vile tortures for Palin and each and every member of Fox. I am not a liberal per say, I am more of a sadistic, narcissistic, anachronistic-chaos freak. I am very much against turning this country back into some black and white 1950s white mans paradise. I will not let it happen I will not even allow the clock to be turned back to the Bush era, I am filled with far more hate than any right-wing nut job I have already been to prison, and I got rid of my conscious a long time ago. But then I calm down I wipe the sweat from my forehead and the blood from nose, take another shot of Canadian Whiskey and realize that this is the way of the world. This is the last gasp of a dying breed. The final salvo before humanity moves on into the second decade of the 21st century. These foolish talking heads and fake politicians can and will be defeated. I must reconstitute my efforts. There is work to be done. And I will fuck ever goat I must in order to see that its done.

Now playing: N.W.A. – Straight Outta Compton
via FoxyTunes

Chick Tracts are to blame!

See they're taking our guns so we can't shoot'em for Jesus!

Perhaps I’ve been watching too much cable news, or spending too much time online, but I’ve become furious with the absolute horse shit that is coming out of the insane mouths of people like Sarah Palin and Sharron Angle. The absolutely bat shit crazy/paranoid conspiracy theories of Michelle Bachman, the extreme right views on immigration and vengeful, hateful attitude of so-called Christians towards homosexuals. Actual politicians calling for the constitution to be changed and the 14th Amendment to be done away with, while the same assholes cry about how much they love the founding fathers in the same breath. It all sounded familiar, but I knew that not all of these maniacs had read Behold A Pale Horse. Then I remembered where I had heard such lunacy before; Tracts! You remember these things right. During the mid to late 1990s they were everywhere. Published by Chick Publications out of Ontario, CA. They were drawn by Jack Chick a failed actor  who drew these things for thirty years. On the web site it states that he was “called home to our lord” in 1998. Although several of his cartoons suggest that spirits don’t rise up until the rapture. They were like Tijuana Bibles for religious nut-bags. They always warned of the coming apocalypse, WWIII, and the rise of the Beast! The decried the loss of freedom under Billy Clint, and stated that anyone who wasn’t born-again would be left behind. They were cute, and drawn to look like they were taken straight from Mad Magazine. They featured tons of misquoted bible verses and always ended with damning the reader. For me and my friends they seemed like a harmless joke, not in any way to be taken seriously. I had dozens of hem, at one point I had a whole shoe box filled with the damn things.

Quick they're rounded up the true believers

I lost my collection somewhere along the way and almost forgot about them. Until it dawned on me that perhaps, there were some kids out there who didn’t think they were a joke. People so fucking scared of anything that wasn’t white and Christian that the pathetic cartoons in these stupid things actually rang true. They took this shit seriously and it motivated them to get into politics so that they could stave off the coming apocalypse. Now 15 or so years later they are running for office and organizing tea parties with their other paranoid friends. They are influencing policies and fucking up all of our lives with their twisted version of biblical truth. How on earth did it come to this. We barely survived the false born-again bullshit of George Bush, but now these psychos are on the march again. Even more twisted and fueled by their hatred of  Americas first black president. Make no mistake these dick-wads are not mad at Obama for being too liberal or trying to take away there guns, because lets face it he ain’t that liberal and no moves have been made to take away anybodies guns.

It looks like Jesus is coming back to sing show-tunes! Not again Jesus!

So basically until the rapture we're all just hanging out underground, but when Jesus calls we'll be zombies?

These fears are not based in reality, what they are afraid of is the fact that he isn’t white. When Bush and Cheney stripped away half of the rights of Americans with their so-called Patriot act not one of these freedom loving Tea-Baggers said a fucking word, not one single peep was heard. When we were lied to and manipulated into a war that had absolutely nothing to do with 9/11 no one opened their mouth, the waved their flags and bought SUVs. Since the election of President Obama these pieces of shit white supremacist hide behind some false love of the constitution and cry that the President of the United States is not even a legal citizen! It’s all so absurd it would make me laugh if it wasn’t so fucking true. These dipshits seem to be everywhere screaming louder than anyone else, while the overwhelming majority of people who got Obama elected sit on their ass and say nothing. I don’t know whats happening to America right now, but it ain’t good. Perhaps it’s the death throes of the fascist right, perhaps it truly is the march toward Armageddon. I can’ t help but think back to those stupid Chick tracts and think this is somehow their fault. 

Hater of God! Gotta clear that one up before the big day!

Fuck Google (and Fuck Youtube)!

For the last week or so I have been unable to view any of the crap on Youtube. Where normally that would sound like a good thing, I do write several blogs and occasionally need to use videos to accent my topics. Yet with the exception of a few hours between Sunday night and Monday morning I have been denied access to the HTML code I need to post on certain sites. I have been forced to use alternatives like Yahoo Video, Vimeo, and Daily Motion. Why, you may ask is that I cannot see videos on Youtube and see videos on any other website? Well according to my browser (Firefox) it’s because I’m using Firefox! Youtube is supposedly “testing ” some stupid new HTML5 that is patented by them and is not supported by open source software like Firefox. Now what does this mean exactly? I could use Internet Explorer, which is shit and full of bugs and will expose my computer to all sorts of simple viruses that Firefox protects me from. Or I could use Google Chrome. Chrome of Course sucks just slightly less than IE! Because this problem is only affecting Firefox users this to me seems like a blatant attack aimed at forcing Firefox users to switch to Google Chrome since Google owns Youtube. I however will not bend to the will of Google. Fuck them!  I want an open source browser that I can modify to my liking and personalize to my needs. I want my adblocking power and I will not let them shove their crappy browser down my throat. So until they fix the problem I will not be returning to Youtube! Fuck Google!

The Age of Stupid

We are living in the age of stupid! You’re stupid, I’m stupid, and everyone around us is stupid! Humans have always been dumb, but now we’ve taken it to a whole other level. I’m not just talking about the idiots who blindly follow Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh (although they make the rest of us look smart by comparison). We are all morons. We finally elect an intelligent, articulate president and we can’t get anything done still because he is beholden to dumb-asses who refuse to progress. We are making great strides in technology and what do we do, we use it to entertain ourselves with useless phones. What diseases have we cured? What problems have we solved? There are still people hungry and homeless, while we bicker over meaningless pieces of paper and foolish market that we created. Our lives effected because a blip on a screen reads one number lower than it did a day before, effected by typos from fat, lazy fingers. All the while most of us walk around concerned with nothing more than the day to day problems that will be forgotten in a year, fretting over personal drama and a fruitless pursuit of material happiness. The human race is so self-centered and pre occupied with the individual and the whole is suffering. We ignore the man on the street begging for change while we hurry home to gorge ourselves in tiny apartments in front of mindless television. We consider ourselves so smart but really what have we accomplished. This is 2010-the fucking future-and what do we have to show for it; Electric cars, pills to make our dicks bigger? We can’t solve a simple problem lie an oil well exploding. I mean did no one consider the possibility of this? Was there no contingency plan? I mean seriously? Why do we even need so much oil anyway? We have the means to create new sources of energy. Yet we are still beholden to the old ways because those who profit from it are too stubborn to switch horses’ midstream and do something different. And they control the politicians who make the rules for them not to follow. The rest of us little people now must suffer forever for this catastrophe. It is more the fault of us than the spineless officials we supposedly elect.  How do we elect officials that do nothing because they can’t come to an agreement with a minority party? When are we going to take control of this mess and create a system which benefits all of us and not just those with the money to pull the strings? Money isn’t even real! The U.S. dollar only has the value that we place on it. Perhaps it is time we do away with it. What do we need with it? Soon enough it will be replaced completely with plastic cards and our lives will be bought and sold on credit. And that will be even dumber than what we’re doing now. Stupid is as stupid does Forest. The so called smartest people are in fact the dumbest. Have you ever met any people, I’ve met quite a few, and they’re all idiots. Those that excel in one specialty or another are always lacking in other areas. Someone who is a master of mathematics or physics is often inept in social customs or popular culture. Those that excel in knowing the latest trends and celebrity gossip are dumbfounded by science or more intellectual pursuits. Even a jack-of-all-trades is a master of none.   True intelligence is mocked and chided into dumbing itself down for the approval of the masses which shows less intelligence than those it seeks to appease. I am infuriated at the lack of progress being made by the human race. Look at the Japanese, who are advancing leaps and bounds technologically and wonder why even they cannot seem to influence the rest of the world. It’s because in their land they are stifled by useless out dated traditions and customs. When will we burn out the past and forge a brighter future? When will we cease to rehash the old and give birth to something new? The cycles of life continue to repeat because we lack the courage and conviction to move forward.

Now playing: Mos Def – Know That ft. Talib Kweli
via FoxyTunes

The 10th Crusade; Fightin’ w/Jesus Guns

According to Wikipedia; the Crusades were a series of religiously-sanctioned military campaigns waged by much of Latin Christian Europe, particularly the Franks of France and the Holy Roman Empire. The specific crusades to restore Christian control of the Holy Land were fought over a period of nearly 200 years, between 1095 and 1291. Other campaigns in Spain and Eastern Europe continued into the 15th century. The Crusades were fought mainly against Muslims, although campaigns were also waged against pagan Slavs, Jews, Russian and Greek Orthodox Christians, Mongols, Cathars, Hussites, Waldensians, Old Prussians, and political enemies of the popes.[Crusaders took vows and were granted penance for past sins, often called an indulgence…The Crusades had far-reaching political, economic, and social impacts, some of which have lasted into contemporary times. Because of internal conflicts among Christian kingdoms and political powers, some of the crusade expeditions were diverted from their original aim, such as the Fourth Crusade, which resulted in the sack of Christian Constantinople and the partition of the Byzantine Empire between Venice and the Crusaders. The Sixth Crusade was the first crusade to set sail without the official blessing of the Pope. The Seventh, Eighth and Ninth Crusades resulted in Mamluk and Hafsid victories, as the Ninth Crusade marked the end of the Crusades in the Middle East. Yet it seems that they never ended they just took a little time off.

It’s pointless to act shocked that this sort of thing is taking place. Religion is nothing more than a tool used to control the less educated masses. It all ways has been. Jesus has been portrayed as this peace loving/tree hugging hippie. He was as much that as he was the perfect image of Aryan pride, he’s been painted as. He said as much himself; “Do not think that I have come to bring peace on earth: I did not come to bring peace, I came to bring a sword. I have come to turn a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a man’s enemies will be the members of his own family. He who loves his father or mother or son or daughter more than he loves me is not worthy of me.” – Matthew 10:34-3 The mythical figure of Christ was created by the Catholic Church to herd the sheep into doing t7heir bidding, to fight the wars and take over the real estate the church wanted. After all, the Church wouldn’t have existed without soldiers. It was the fact that the Roman soldiers had all converted to Christianity (for the promise of free burial), that gave rise to Christianity in the first place. It took this rag-tag group of former Jews and turned them into the most dominate force the Earth has ever seen. And they have been running over people, beating them over the head with their bullshit every since. Who even knows what type of man Jesus of Nazareth really was if he even in fact existed. There were over 900 books assembled by the Catholic Church and whittled down into what 16? How many are even in the King James Version of the bible 9? It’s silly and pointless that in 2010 people still believe in a super-powered zombie, who cursed the inhabitants of three cities which didn’t repent after he performed miracles for them.

Is it wrong? Hell yeah, it’s wrong! But so is war, so is the taking of another human life, so is believing in magical men with white beards who live in the sky, so is believing in other magical men who ride on magic flying carpets and make women wear sheets on their heads and cover their faces in the fucking desert where most don’t even have running water.  Who’s more insane here, both sides of this pointless conflict are fanatical lunatics. Sure the American army is comprised of people of many faiths and supposedly they should not be spreading religion, but policy. Yet for the entire history of the United States religion has influenced policy. All of the Free Mason forefathers hid behind some aspect of the Christianity, each has used the faith of the sheep (Jesus words-not mine) to send young men and women to their death.  War and religion go hand in hand, every war is a holy war-except Vietnam that was just some fucked shit. The real question is; when will we as humanity awaken and begin to take responsibility for our own actions and lives and quit looking to some unseen savior to answer our prayers? When will we as a people acknowledge that what we do on earth is just as important as some fictitious reward we may or may not receive in an after-life that may or may not be real? I don’t claim to have any answers, God could be watching and judging and I could be going to hell. But I’m not about to worry my pretty little head about it, if God’s a peeper then that’s on his dirty old ass, I’m not going to go around shooting people in hopes that that’s what he wants me to do.

Now playing: Insane Clown Posse – Blacken Your Eyes
via FoxyTunes

Real Men Don’t Wear Beards Anymore…

Beards were once a sign that a man had reached the age of maturity, that he had lived a hard life working with his hands and doing right by people. Then came the sixties and the hippies and beards became a symbol of being a degenerate dirt bag who lured young kids into a compound made of school buses and led them on murderous raids in the Hollywood hills. The beard then became in the 1980s a symbol of being homeless

subgenieus; Hipster douche

Rutherford B. Hayes bitch ass.

and fresh out of a mental institution closed down by the much appreciated harbinger of the apocalypse Ronald Reagan. Where once they were the pride of overweight bikers and Santa Clause the mighty beard has been usurped by trendy little

hipsters in skinny jeans

who listen to shitty bands and get women who should be way out of their

Zak Galafianakis and some pussy

league. These pathetic trust-fund indie rockers, with their thick framed non-prescription glasses and thrift store sweaters made for children, have stolen what was once the look of lumberjacks and Civil War generals and turned it into something pretentious like Rutherford B. Hayes once tried to do.  Hipster Comedians like Zak Galifianakis, and Brian Posehn

Most Metal Comic since Kinison

while keeping it real in their own lives have made it cool and accessible for the young and in vogue to sport gnarly beards that once signified one as an outcast and decidedly on the outside of trends. Though still popular with the true degenerates and bums, beards is now a part of the mainstream. And while there are those who argue that the straight laced business types will never accept the beard, I say to you; who gives a fuck! Their world is separate anyhow we don’t count the nine-to-five Dockers wearing crowd as offering anything to this planet of merit or worth so therefore your argument is mute. The point is amongst those of us who work in and frequent the night life, those of us who go to shows and bars and listen to good music are uncomfortable with the bastardization of our beloved beards and as much as we would like we cannot go around and shave all of Williamsburg, much less the hipster queers in Atlanta, and Austin.  We at GF HQ are proposing a strike back by re-instituting the darling of the Victorian era, the Van Dyke!