Fucking everything, one goat at a time!

Geekers’ Of the World Unite (and take over)

On the 4th of July I was wasted in Delores Park eating an assortment of THC filled chocolate products. I got so hammered I reverted to my old habit of eating glass. I smashed a rolling rock bottle on the ground and began to chow down, before my better half stopped me from embarrassing her in front of her law school classmates. I didn’t care so much I was high as a kite and we stumbled home and passed out before the fireworks even started. While I was on the West Coast showing off my geeking ability, on the other side of the country the King of sucking down wieners; Kobayashi was  being arrested for storming a stage that is rightfully his. The seven time champ who has lost the last four years to American glutton Joey Chestnut, after he was denied entry into the annual contest for not signing with the devil. The devil in this instance is MLE (Major League Eating), who now run most major eating competitions. But if Kobi would sign with them, then he would be ineligible to compete in contest not sanctioned by the MLE. Which doesn’t sound like a big deal, but if all you do is go around and eat then you want to be able to eat whenever you like for who ever you like and not for some bullshit organization that seeks to homogenize and dominate what should be a fun little non-sport.  Wearing a Free Kobi shirt as if he fully prepared to be arrested Kobi stormed the stage at the end of the contest followed by chants of “Let him Eat!” from his supporters in the crowd. He claims he only wanted to congratulate Chestnut but was bumrushed by Nathans Hot Dog Security and the NYPD. Yes Nathans has it’s own Hot Dog Security force. Which should be put to use protecting people from it’s awful hot dogs. I only ate one and puked it up an hour later. Granted I was hammered drunk and went on a few rides after-wards, but still, I can eat wood, metal and glass but a Nathans Hot Dog makes me puke! You be the judge.  The “Tsunami” was released the following day, but it looks like he will be facing some charges and possible jail time for his stunt, hopefully he if he goes to Rikers his wiener chomping powers won’t be put to the test!

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Now playing: Boogie Down Productions – Elementary
via FoxyTunes

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