Fucking everything, one goat at a time!

Nothing ever happens in Mumblecore

On a recent trip to Portland to see the greatest band on earth (TMG) I met a man who introduced me to a term I had never heard of-Mumblecore. Wikipedia describes Mumblecore as; an American independent film movement that arose in the early 2000s.It is primarily characterized by ultra-low budget production (often employing digital video cameras), focus on personal relationships between twenty-something’s, improvised scripts, and non-professional actors. Filmmakers in this genre include Lynn Shelton, Andrew Bujalski, Mark Duplass, Jay Duplass, Aaron Katz, Joe Swanberg, and Barry Jenkins. It goes on to say that; the term “Mumblecore” was coined by Eric Masunaga, a sound editor who has worked with Bujalski. Masunaga coined the term one night at a bar during the 2005 South by Southwest Film Festival, but it was Bujalski who first used it in an interview with indieWIRE. The basic gist was explained to me as a movie with no real plot or script and non professional actors whom talk about nothing, in front of shitty cameras for extended periods of time. As someone who likes to write and enjoys well written entertainment this sounded like nothing more than two hour episodes of Seinfeld (which I hate), so why bother right? Well then I looked the term up after it was mentioned in a local review for “Cyrus” the, new movie starring (Dr. Steve Brule) John C. Reilly and Jonah Hill.  And I although the man I had met told me that The Puffy Chair was the seminal Mumblecore film I noticed a movie called “Dance Party USA”, which is; to those who have known me for more than a few years-one of the things I like to say. So I clicked on it and low and behold it was made by a bunch of kids who went to North Carolina School of the Arts, which is located in my hometown! So this got me interested and I dug a little deeper. A New York Times article claims that Andrew Bujalski’s 2002 “Funny Ha Ha,” (which just sounds like a Seinfeld episode) was the first Mumblecore film. But I decided to go with the hometown hero.  It took me awhile to actually find “Dance Party USA” , but then I found it and watched it and well…It reminded me of “Kids”, but with lest interesting kids; which is the best part of “Kids”! I mean why watch a movie that goes nowhere, with people who aren’t very interesting? Maybe it’s because I’ve gotten too old or maybe it’s because kids today aren’t as cool as we were, or perhaps it’s because I can’t get behind a rapist as a main character. Oh wait that was just like Kids too! Yeah but the rest of the movie was good where as the rest of Dance Party was not. Perhaps it is because I’m older, I just felt like strangling the kids in this movie. I wanted to shake them and scream “Wake Up”, tell them to do something with their meaningless lives. But then I think back to when I was young I had the same feeling about those around me. That’s why I tried so hard to create something out of the nothing that we were doing. Yet it was as futile as these children’s lives seem to be. This movie really makes being a teenager in the 2000’s seem so boring, where as if I was a kid now I would be having the time of my life. I couldn’t even imagine what I would do with this much information and resources’ at my finger tips. These kids have no idea how boring shit was before the internet. Yet we made it fun we went out and got fucked up and actually did shit we tore up the night and whooped and hollered, fucked like rabbits and drank some more until the damn sun came up and went down again. I mean I raised hell all the way up until my body physically couldn’t take it anymore. Then I went to prison and recuperated and got out and did it some more until my body fell apart again.  Perhaps in a different context or a different time I would be able to enjoy this movie. I mean it was extremely similar to Kids (which I loved) and at the time I hailed it as the future of cinema. Now I see the error of my ways. Movies need stories. Movies need plots, and characters that you can care about. Granted most of the stories in movies these days are shit and the same tired formulas we’ve seen a million times, and something needs to be done to shake up the film industry. But Mumblecore ain’t it! Hollywood should let me write a movie I would give these kids something that would inspire them to set fires and attack their local malls. That’s what’s lacking in kids these days, proper inspiration. That and a decent education! Towards the end of the movie the lead character Gus ask the female lead Jessica if she wants’ to split the price of a $3 photo booth with him, after he says he has two dollars and she has say that she has one. I just wanted to yell at the two ignorant teens “That’s not splitting!”

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