Fucking everything, one goat at a time!

Real Men Don’t Wear Beards Anymore…

Beards were once a sign that a man had reached the age of maturity, that he had lived a hard life working with his hands and doing right by people. Then came the sixties and the hippies and beards became a symbol of being a degenerate dirt bag who lured young kids into a compound made of school buses and led them on murderous raids in the Hollywood hills. The beard then became in the 1980s a symbol of being homeless

subgenieus; Hipster douche

Rutherford B. Hayes bitch ass.

and fresh out of a mental institution closed down by the much appreciated harbinger of the apocalypse Ronald Reagan. Where once they were the pride of overweight bikers and Santa Clause the mighty beard has been usurped by trendy little

hipsters in skinny jeans

who listen to shitty bands and get women who should be way out of their

Zak Galafianakis and some pussy

league. These pathetic trust-fund indie rockers, with their thick framed non-prescription glasses and thrift store sweaters made for children, have stolen what was once the look of lumberjacks and Civil War generals and turned it into something pretentious like Rutherford B. Hayes once tried to do.  Hipster Comedians like Zak Galifianakis, and Brian Posehn

Most Metal Comic since Kinison

while keeping it real in their own lives have made it cool and accessible for the young and in vogue to sport gnarly beards that once signified one as an outcast and decidedly on the outside of trends. Though still popular with the true degenerates and bums, beards is now a part of the mainstream. And while there are those who argue that the straight laced business types will never accept the beard, I say to you; who gives a fuck! Their world is separate anyhow we don’t count the nine-to-five Dockers wearing crowd as offering anything to this planet of merit or worth so therefore your argument is mute. The point is amongst those of us who work in and frequent the night life, those of us who go to shows and bars and listen to good music are uncomfortable with the bastardization of our beloved beards and as much as we would like we cannot go around and shave all of Williamsburg, much less the hipster queers in Atlanta, and Austin.  We at GF HQ are proposing a strike back by re-instituting the darling of the Victorian era, the Van Dyke!

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